I am....

First of all I want to say that my Ipad is being dumb as far as blogging is concerned and I can't figure out how to stop the page breaks so if you are reading this blog, the random ones that do or that find it on accident, please excuse the way it looks, until I figure out how to stop that from happening (too bad I don't read or write computer code) it will continue to look like that, unless I write shorter blogs that is!!!

Life is full of irony.   Life is full of challenges. Life is full of change.   And best of all, at least in my case, life is full of surprises!!!

I am the "matriarch" of what has become a full blown community!  Our family is BIG!!!  I could say that BEFORE we had kids.  My husband is from a very large family, meaning loads and loads of cousins (his moms siblings counted in the teens) and everyone seemed to be related.  Not in a "Deliverance" kind of way (as in the movie) but more in a "well I'm not sure but they might be distant cousins" kind of way.  But anyway, back to my life..

I'm a matriarch....

My husband and I are parents to four adult children.  They met and married and are now parenting their own children....ALOT of them!!!  And two of them have just gotten started!!!  We have 10 grandchildren total and yes, there will be, God willing, more to come.  We love our little packages of human love!!!  Every one of them is unique and totally amazing...

Our house has been full of noise, chaos, fun, laughter, squealing, screaming, fighting, running, crying, toys, messes galore, and loads and loads of love and open arms and cuddles any time of the day.  Its been a good season and this matriarch is grateful for it and happy that we did it.  Its soon to be much more sedate and quiet and I have mixed feelings about it.  I'm ready and yet I know I will miss our five tiny occupants and two full grown ones.

But I'm ready for a new chapter.  I'm ready to begin being creative again.  I'm ready to leave my stuff out on the table or in my scrap area (which becamea makeshift bedroom) and not have it disturbed. I'm excited to begin a new chapter and see where it leads us next.

We have been in a LOOOOONG season of drought and for those of you who have experienced a drought of the spirit, of walking in blind faith with the Lord, you know what I mean.  It has taught us so much and I have learned a few things about what the bible meant when it talks about the Lord chastening those He loves (as we do lovingly chasten our children so they are able to be responsible and capable adults).  I'm begininng to understand a few deeper things about this season, knowing I have much more to learn but I'm settling in to accept where the Lord has me.  FINALLY.

But you know whats been the hardest to accept?  The feeling of abandonment from a whole OTHER family.  Note I said FEELING....not ACTUAL....I am getting there.  Trying to see the other side and yet just moving on, attempting to move forward, and figuring out how to forgive those whom I thought would never walk away from our friendship.  It is what it is....and now I understand a few things about my little judgemental self!!!  And that, as far as I can tell, is very very good.

So I am asking myself now, what is it you want to do with this blog?  In the world of blogging, pinterest, facebook (which I don't do) and other social media I do not know about, what do I want to do with what this blog is?

What am I?

I am a christian.  A Bible believing, Jesus loving, Christ following, woman...Saved by Grace, Forgiven by the Blood of our Savior, and walking in His mercy.

I am a wife.  The wife of one man for over 30 years.  Crazy in love, like, CRAZY....He is amazing, funny, wise, caring, tender, thoughtful, STRONG and yep, SEXY!!! He is my best friend, my favorite human, and often THE one I cry on, like get the shoulder wet cry on. He is my sweetie, my lover, and the one I always want to be with.

I am a mother.  We have four kids I ADORE.  They are amazing adults.  Three men.  Much like their father they are strong, wise, funny, brilliant, and teachable.  They are raising beautiful children to be the same amazing kind of people.