We have been in a noisy season of life. Yes, its because we have seven extra people living with us, but its much more than that. Its the noise inside my head. I can't seem to sort through the static to the real issues in my life. I think its mostly because of the static, the precious static, on the outside of my life.
Last year, at this same time we were preparing to have our daughter and her husband and, at the time, four children, move in with us for a time. None of us had any idea how long they would be with us but we suspected it would be quite awhile. Work was found and lives began to be repaired, rebuilt, and restored. Confidence, peace, and a sense of well being started to replace hurt and pain and it was a time of talking, sharing, laughing, sometimes crying, and in general just being a family who is tight knit and helpful.
In that year we have had a beloved dad, father in law, papa, great papa, pass on. We have had a baby born in our living room (oh yeah, THAT was cool), remodeled our kitchen once more to open it up (LOVE IT), our garden prospered, we added a few more chickens to our small little coop, we went camping alot, we have another grandchild on the way, another child and his family moving home, celebrated birthdays, anniversaries, and even a few other victories and lately, like the last months lately, we've been remodeling a house for our daughters family to live in.
I wish I could show you pictures, cuz its a doozy but this house has been transformed from a shabby, dingy, dark manufactured home with a broken down porch and back deck and grown over yard to having a beautiful new deck (i'm a bit jealous of the covered part), a gorgeous front porch and walkway, beautiful grey and white paint throughout - walls, cupboards, ceilings....new floors, lighting, a new room was built and the final room, the master bath and bedroom, are in the process of being finished. Its beautiful.
Why do I write this right now? Well for one, its helping me see how far we've come because sometimes, it feels like we aren't even moving at all. Like we are stuck. We have indeed come a long ways in a year.
Also, I've learned a few things very recently that puts things into better perspective.
one: life is precious.... that should seem obvious but so many times I wake up to the sounds around me and groan, wanting it all to just go away so I can have my space. But then I heard that a sweet young girl I know who should be enjoying her first baby and all of the joys that go along with that, is walking around with empty arms. I feel sorrow for her and wonder how it has changed her, as it has to have. She is bright, funny, quick witted, charming, and strong. Will the loss of her baby steal some of that precious quality that makes her...her? Time will tell. So for now, I pray and hope that she reaches out for a friend. I will be there if she does.
two: life is short.....Yesterday I found out that an old classmate of ours has a daughter that is dying. She's incredibly young, only in her early 30's. The thing is, she's dying of something entirely self inflicted, entirely avoidable. Addiction. I thought about that, about how our family has dealt with addiction, about how that, but for the grace of God, could have been me, watching my oldest child die, and I am grateful that it isn't me. I am grateful that he chose to face his addiction and move forward in his life, getting married, having a family. God is GOOD!!! But I ask questions like, "I wonder if she's sorry she couldn't stop?" (whatever it was she was doing) and "does she know Jesus loves her and does He live in her heart?" I pray that He does.
So the noise noise noise noise doesn't stop but in the moments I am sitting in right now, its a bit muffled, a bit more reserved. I sit here at the keyboard, a bit more grateful for the life I've been given. Counting my blessings and acknowleding that I am small, my understanding of life is very little and I love the Lord for His mercy. We never know when our lives will come to an end, never know what's around the corner for us, so do we grumble and gripe about what our life is or do we chose to be grateful, thankful, and praising, even in the hard times? It's easy to lose sight of what's important, but I am glad the Lord brings me back to Himself.
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