Sifting

I love sifters....I know, its a strange thing to love but I can't help it.  Whenever I am in one of those cool thrift stores I always manage to find these little gems that were used "back in the day" to make cakes, breads, cookies....whatever...They are just neat.

Tonight I sat on the floor of my scrappy area, looking for letters for a project.  Music was playing, some great new stuff John found, and I just had thoughts filtering slowly through my brain.  I found myself thinking of Julie O, missing her terribly...Thinking about those letters, knowing KNOWING she had touched them also, (they were hers after all) and thinking, "Julie would love this song..."  a wave of grief hit me.  Then I found myself thinking of our dear dear friend Dick and another wave of sadness gripped me.  I guess I was on a roll because I thought about another dear friend who is really in a tough tough spot and I felt her grief, her concern but then as I sat and worshiped, over her, over her family, I knew God would prevail. He just would.  He always does. Even if it isn't until the end, He Wins!!!  I thought of our amazing daughter, how precious she is and how much I miss her face...just miss her sweet face and her awesome sense of humor.

We have been in a very hard season, for a very long time.  I am learning some really good lessons in what is "just" and "right" and what I deserve!  I am learning that nothing is as bad as some one else might have it and that each breath, each moment is such SUCH SUCH a gift.  I am learning that hearing, "i yu you" from my sweet little Avery, getting snuggles from a sweet and sensitive Brynnie,  and having Lucy climb up next to me and having our "routine" once again...

Lucy, quietly looking around.
Me, "whatcha thinkin about Lu?"
Lucy:  "I'm thinking about papa, and when he comes here with you next time"

Blessings

Sifting

It all can hurt, it all can peel away the layers of dust and filth to reveal something either very beautiful or very ugly.

I am joyful

I have learned something in this past year.  I am not comfortable anymore.  The Lord has seen to that.  I am going around and around and around in that sifter,  the crud coming to the top and all I can do is cry out to the Lord and fall on His mercy and grace to save me from myself.  He does....

I have learned that I am nothing without Christ.  That God, when He looks toward me, He sees me through His Son...I knew that, but like Job, now I am KNOWING that.  I am seeing that I am so ridiculously out of my realm here and that all I can do is rely on God.

I am also learning to let go.  Again.  I never thought I would have to let go of some of the things I have had to let go of these last 18 months but in SO SO SO many ways, it has blessed me beyond measure.  I learned in letting go that I can forgive, deeply, truly forgive and in the forgiving, I can miss, I DO miss.  I learned that in letting go it can feel like the very One who loves me is no longer there.  It is in those times of utter sadness, grief, deep deep grief of losing something I so truly loved, so deeply loved, so much wanted to not let go of, that He waits for us to stop, to listen, to give it to Him.  I wept, I begged, I felt rejected, and then I saw that He was working, He was doing a wonderful amazing thing and that I was safe in Him.

I literally don't think I have ever cried so much as I have in this past 18 months but it has cleansed my heart in so many ways.  I also see so much more I want the Lord to change, I feel like Isaiah, a wo-man of unclean lips.

So, in all of this sifting, I think I can now look at what has BEEN sifted and not only what NEEDS sifting.  He has always been faithful to change me, to help me, to grow me, prune me, teach me, love me and I will now begin resting in that more fully,  He is after all
                                                                            Our

                                                                 "Strong God"

[Verse 1:]
Father to the fatherless Defender of the weak
Freedom for the prisoner we sing

This is God in His holy place
This is God clothed in love and strength

[Chorus 1:]
Sing out lift your voice and cry out
Awesome is our strong God mighty is our God

[Verse 2:]
You're with us in the wilderness faithful to provide
Ev'ry breath and ev'ry step we see

[Chorus 2:]
Sing out lift your voice and cry out
Awesome is our strong God mighty is our God
Sing out raise your hands and shout out
Awesome is our strong God mighty is our God

[Bridge:]
There is no higher no
There is no greater no
There is none stronger than our God
[x3]

and just for fun I added this one...YEP MY NEW HOUSE CLEANING SONG!!!

I'M GOING FREE (Jailbreak)

Go on and speak against my borrowed innocence
The judge is my defense, I'm going free
Right when the gavel fell, I heard the freedom bell
Ring through the heart of hell, I'm going free
I’m going free

Glory, glory, hallelujah
You threw my shackles in the sea
Glory, glory, hallelujah
Jesus is my liberty
I'm going free

I won't go back again, that's just not who I am
Lord, I'm a brand new man, I'm going free
I'm on a narrow road, it's paved with grace and hope
It's gonna lead me home, I'm going free
I'm going free

I am free, I am free indeed
I am free, I am free indeed
We are free, free indeed
We are free, free indeed

Someday I'll fly away on Your amazing grace
Your love is my jailbreak, I'm going free