A long time comin.....

Life has taken on a whole new meaning for me these days. Its not just that the sun is out or I am surrounded by my amazing and incredible family, although those things are certainly part of it. Its so much more than that. Its far far deeper than anything I have ever experienced with the Lord in the whole of my "walking" with Him days.  

Maybe its that I have finally walked into a place of healing and restoration! I know a few things for sure right now.  I cry less, I laugh a LOT more, I feel lighter and I feel as though I am in the pipeline of the Lords great grace and mercy.  I am doing my best to not look ahead too far and just be in this moment, this time right now, this experience of being healed, being re-formed by Jesus.  I told a good friend of mine the other day that I feel as though the Lord is reaching into my very heart and reshaping it with His hands, His very own hands.  It blows my mind! Its an incredible experience.

Today I was cleaning house and in the process, moving things (isn't that the ONLY way to clean, to move furniture around?)  and as I did, I stood and looked at a picture of my dad. It always makes me stop in shock to realize, yet again, that he isn't on the earth any more and it never fails to make my heart squeeze in pain and loss, but this time, as I stood there thinking about my dad and the inevitable sense of "what I missed out on" and "what I didn't get" began to seep in, I felt the sweet sense of the Lord soothing my heart, coming to me and just reminding me of His deep love for me, His joy in my existence and His gladness at my creation! It was a sweet little moment with my Lord.  

I don't know what I would have done if I had not had the Lord in my life this last year and a half. I really don't. The struggle in my soul has been so very painful and intense, so much went into the enemy working to destroy it and the Lord working to help me see that He wanted to save me, from myself!  As my eyes have begun to open, my heart begun to open, I am seeing so many stepping stones to this season in my life.  I have begun to be not just renewed, no, I am being REMADE!  I cannot explain it one little bit, but my husband, who has stood by me, through some of the darkest days I have ever experienced in my heart and soul, could tell you, something in ME has changed, something is growing, beginning to bloom and something is being rebirthed in me.  Its a wonderfully complex place to be.  

So, tonight as I write this blog, I am reminded, once again, of where I was just a short time ago and where I am NOW...isn't even in the same stratosphere!  I am becoming more ready to be Brave, to be Bold, to move In Him, to dream the dreams that HE placed in me, to let them out into the sunlight and to let my heart soar with Him.  I am ready, just as Much Afraid said in my fave book of ALL time, Hinds Feet on High Places, "My Lord,  you may take it all, if only I can be with you on the high hills...with feet of a deer and go where you go."  Oh my Lord, my heart longs to do your will, to do what you would have me to do and be who You created me to be...then, even though life will most definitely get hard again, I will be who You called me to be!  

I have so many many things I could write about, but so much of it is just tucked away in my heart right now and I don't think I am supposed to share. Someday....