CURVE.....

I swear I am on a huge learning curve these days!  I mean C...U...R....V...E..... the kind of the bend in the road that actually takes you in a whole new direction!  There are times that I want to look over my shoulder longingly at the "ease" at which I once seemed to live my life, until I realize that all of that was an illusion and I must forge ahead, confident that the Lord has my life in His hands and nothing takes Him by surprise.

I read this awesome book this summer which sparked a lot of this curve issue in me!  It was called "Exposing the Lie" (although I haven't yet figured out why "lie" is singular and not plural!)  As I read this book, about the lies in your life that you believe about yourself and about who you believe yourself to be, I began to really really think about that...WHO AM I???? really???  What have I always believed?  I began this whole process of grieving for the little girl I really never felt I got to be because of the designs of the enemy on my self confidence, it began a process of being angry with God, feeling that my life, my heart was so unjustly damaged so many times and then, finally, as I have been reading this other book now, seeing that even that pain, even that stuff, has been something that can be used to make me over, turn me over, clean me out, make me better....oh how I have wished, and know I will continue to wish I did not have to go through this refining process, IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    I am looking at my life in a whole new way and so many days I feel so utterly exhausted by the effort it takes to work at it that I just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head!   And then...I see a glimpse, a little picture of me, of what the Lord is doing in me, a snapshot of who He always intended for me to be, of whom He created for me to be, and even though I feel like I do, I am encouraged, I am lifted a little bit by that tiny tiny little pindot hole that shows me, "see Lucy, I know where you are going, I am taking you there and when you get there...oh the joy you will feel!"  I am Much Afraid and I am in the Valley of Loss right now but oh when my feet become like a Hinds feet and I walk upon the hills with my Savior!!!!!!! For that one thing, I am beginning to feel the tiny stirrings of love, of hope, of joy and of renewal...tiny though it be, its better than deadness and sorrow!

John found this new song recently and it is awesome!!!! I wish I could download it on here for you to hear, maybe I will try to do it on my home page.  When I first heard it, all I could do was cry and think, over and over again, thats not me, thats not me...but then, one day in my car, I was driving along and turned this song on at full blast, FULL BLAST...and suddenly it began to penetrate my heart and I began to cry and cry and cry, tears of joy, tears of sorrow, tears of release and tears of a return to a love that is simple. I am finding that admitting that my heart fails me sometimes, that sometimes I doubt, that sometimes I am just plain old scared and sad is helping me to grow, helping me to open my heart even more and to begin to get rid of some of the old lies in my life that have held me captive in my mind for far too long.  I want to believe the TRUTH about myself, I want to walk in that truth and in that peace!

Here are the words to this song try going to YouTube and typing in Gateway Worship Victory:  pssttt.....its a new song we will be learning at church too......

Victory


The song of the Redeemed
rises through the clouds
theres freedom in the blood of Jesus
darkness trembles at his feet
satan has no power
there's freedom in the blood of Jesus


There's victory
in the cross
I'm breaking free
all my chains are gone
I will sing
till my lungs give out
I'm gonna shout
now that I've found victory


Oh how great a love
to take my sin and shame
there's power in the blood of Jesus
the same in spirit thats in me
overcame the grave
there's power in the blood of Jesus
oh there's power in the blood of Jesus
oh there's power in the blood of Jesus


theres victory....


sin has no hold on me
sin has no hold on me
sin has no hold on me
sin has no hold on me
sin has no hold on me
sin has no hold on me


theres victory
in the cross
I'm breaking free
all my chains are gone
I will sing
til my lungs give out
I'm gonna shout
now that I've found victory