Draw Me Close

Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear you say that I'm Your friend
You are my desire
No one else will do
Cause nothing else could take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You

Your all I want
Your all I've ever needed
Your all I want
Help me know You are here


Today I was cleaning a house and while I was working away this song came on.  Its always been one of my favorites but today I heard it all over again, all new and very real in my life right now.

Sometimes it takes awhile to bend my will to the Lords, not very often, but sometimes.  I have long since learned the benefit of quick obedience and moving my will aside for the Lord but once in awhile I just cant seem to get there.  As I listened to the song today I realized all over again that walking without the Lord in ANY area of my life simply leads to a heart without joy!  I had to admit to the Lord that I nothing else COULD take His place in my life and nothing else COULD fill that embrace of my heart the way He can!  I know that He knew I was going to capitulate eventually but I still wonder if He breathed a sigh of relief that my will didn't hold out any longer, mostly because He can't have wanted to watch me put myself through a bunch of stuff.

I am learning, this time around, a few things...One, when I put myself in the desert, its a very lonely place! I am walking without benefit of the Lords instruction because I am choosing to close my ears to it.  We ALL walk through times in our life when we feel like we are in a very very dry place and the Lord is nowhere in sight and I believe that some of those times are ordered of the Lord,  but when we walk in direct disobedience to what He is telling us we need to do to have life, FULL life in Him in an area of our lives, that puts us in a whole new kind of desert, a different kind of battle.

Two:  I can make choices for freedom, for a life of hope and goodness.  Most of the time I do that, but as I have begun to walk in this whole new forest of issues of my heart, I am seeing the promise of something new for me, the promise of a freer me, a me who KNOWS her value, who KNOWS that she is loved and operates accordingly.  You and I both know that you are saying to yourself, "oh she has to know that I love her..." its not that, not at ALL...its the messages that are believed deep down in our hearts that we are unaware of, those are the messages that I want extinguished in my life, in my heart...no more believing lies!  The enemy lies to us so much, to me so much, and took the opportunity, many times, when I was growing up, to feed them and breed them in me.  I am finally able to see them, listen to the Lord about them and begin to accept that they are NOT true. Sounds crazy but some lies are easier to believe than the truth!

Three:  When I began this walk with the Lord so many years ago I was one messed up puppy! I look back sometimes and shudder and think to myself, oh my goodness what that time was like!  I had a husband who was a recovering addict, a disease I did NOT understand, an addiction that freaked me out, a codependency that made me miserable and a mind who could not comprehend that my life could ever be any different.  Oh how the Lord has delivered me!!!! I am NOTHING like I was back then, NOTHING!!!! My life is a complete miracle!!! I have been loved beyond measure by a merciful God who saw my miserable heart and my pain and began the painstaking work of putting me back together again.  I gained weight, I smiled again, I worshipped, I learned that I could be more, I began to teach our kids about Jesus and pray for my husband and I began to hope for more.  I still am so humbled by the Lord in working in my life because I know what I was, I know what was in my heart and I know how I thought and how I coped with pain and hurt.  I am now being reminded that the Lord is never done, not content to leave us as we are and He is here to stay the course, go the distance, be the finish line and to take us and remake us.  Oh that I would remember that every single day and not lose hope so easily in my own frailties!!!!!

Oh Lord, thank you that you never leave me as I am, that you see me as you created me to be. Thank you that in You I can find life, and hope and peace and joy and....and thank you that in You I am safe, I am being remade and I am being loved.  Lord thank you so much that in those times when I know what to do but I do not do it, that you are patient with me, waiting for me to see YOU!  Thank you Lord that I don't have to stay in the place where I am because you are there with me to take me out!  Just like you did for the children of Israel, you will accompany me to the promised land and you will feed me, clothe me and give me water to drink along the way.