Papa Bear, I miss you

I was getting ready to pull out onto Highway 34 today when a line of traffic started coming, forcing me to sit and wait for them to pass. In that line of traffic was Mama Bear (Nancy Woods) and one of her friends. As I watched them drive by me I felt this pang of nostalgia sweep over my heart. I pictured Nancy at church, sitting with her lady friends, literally surrounded on all sides, and my heart ached to reach out and touch her and share with her a minute of the grip of grief I suddenly felt at seeing her.

Naturally, I began to think about George. Georgie. Our beloved Papa Bear. I remember the last time I saw him alive. It was at church. He and Mama Bear were sitting there in church, side by side, as always, and I walked up, as always, and reached out and gave her a hug. Impulsively I plopped down on Georges knee, reached around his neck and told him I loved him. Oh how I treasure that memory now that he is gone. There isn't a Sunday that goes by that I don't look out into the congregation and LONG to see his face, to see him smiling at me. Oh how I loved him. He was such a gruff old fella and yet he was so very tender to his mama bear. He collected Bears, he always wore a shirt and tie and they always matched (John and I do that too) or coordinated at least. He always had a tie tack that was a bear and once in awhile he would wear the Winnie The Pooh tie that we bought for him. He loved our girl. She was the apple of his eye, after mama, he supported her with her mission trips, he helped pay her way through the Honor Academy, and he wanted to see her again. She missed seeing him by a mere month. I still remember the day I found out Georgie was gone, it was a gut wrenching day, one I will remember with love and longing. I also see Georgie with Jesus, knowing he is now resting in His arms, happy and waiting for his "red headed gal" to join him. I haven't lost that many people close to me in my life, thankfully, but if I think about it hard enough, I still hear his voice, talking to me, telling me something or asking me about Kaylee.

There is such a quandry with grief isn't there? I read a part in a book recently that said that they say that the first step of grieving is denial, but that isn't true, the first step is TRUTH, that you, in that instant you hear it, you KNOW that it is true. It is moments later when your mind wants to deny what you already know to be true. I think that is right. I think that in those seconds when we hear that we have lost someone we love, there is this realization that they will no longer be in your life. As I sat on my kitchen floor the day Georgie passed away and begged Lila to tell me it wasn't true, I knew it was. I knew he was never coming back.

So, this isn't a cheery blog, sorry, I guess that I have been thinking about George during this season because he SO would have loved our little Lucy. He would have given her so much attention, affection and discipline (an old Navy fella he was). And so, another part of the grief process is being sorted out. Its a good thing.

Have a nice night.

On a scrappy note: I made 13 cards for Dene to sell at her coffee shop. I didn't remember to take pictures but some of them were really neat. I had so much fun doing them! Maybe I will stop by and take pics.