Dead Trees

Yesterday I had an unplanned day off so decided to head out of town for the day and go to "the valley".  I love to shop in Corvallis and don't get to very often so it's nice to take a day and just wander around town.

Driving through the winding and curvy road I was praying and thinking aloud to the Lord.  I haven't had a lot of time to myself this past year, since sharing our home with various kids and grandkids so these little excursions away by myself are precious to me.  I was told by my sisters a few years ago that I always preferred my own company as a kid and that has held true over the years.  That makes me sound narcissistic and I'm not, I mean only that I need lots of time to process and think and talk to the Lord and work through things in my life.

I set out early yesterday and as I said, I was thinking and praying to the Lord.  I noticed the trees that look so dead around here (even though this part of our state is still very green) and that they look wasted and done.  I had the thought, "Lord, I feel that way, dry, brittle, brown and wasted, no good for anything". And then I remembered that soon those trees will begin to show signs of life.  Tiny green buds will begin to sprout off of the ends of the branches and grow new life again.  Something in that analogy (and remembering a very good sermon by Mike Hoggard on the seasons of life) made my heart skip a beat.  It has been a long season of dry, brittle, hurt, anger, loneliness, sadness, grief, loss, bitterness and unforgiveness.  Okay there I said it, unforgiveness.  I won't say that I feel all warm and fuzzy toward the people whom have hurt us but I will say that I am closer to just letting them go and yes, I have been asking for the ability to forgive, I have the WANT to.  But this has also been a season of fruitfulness in our family.  We have had three babies born in the last 15 months, we have remodeled a home (with the Lords help and a wonderful mans heart to help our kids).  We have had one of our kids move back with his little fam and we are moving forward on some things regarding church.  It has been one of the hardest seasons of our lives, but we've had harder.  

So as I looked out the windshield at the bleak trees lining the cold green river I was driving along, I had to admit that they held in them a quiet beauty.  They held a secret. They didn't worry about the fact that they didn't have leaves, they didn't have to, their creator was going to clothe them, much like the lilies of the valley.   So I think of this scripture in Luke and it comforts me and it challenges me:   Do I trust You Lord?  That's hard to answer sometimes....

27Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
28 If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?
29 And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind.
30 For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.
31 But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.
32 Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.