THE trip!

I have been getting ready to head east! Yep, this time next week John and I will be getting ready to head out of town for a visit to our good friends in Jersey (ok, so I haven't earned the right to call it that YET but...) for a short but well needed visit and then will head on to Florida to be part of all the wedding festivities for our son Matt and his beautiful bride Lindsay.  I have to admit, with all the stuff that has been going through my head these last weeks, it has been a bit hard to wrap my mind around this trip but I am beginning to plan and get things together, at least in my head.  I EVEN got my wedding dress out so I wouldn't forget it!!! Our front room is adorned with an assortment of suitcases and the like and I have started the lists! We even had a family meeting to go over our flight schedules and haircuts the other night! With John, Me, Ryan, Aaron, Alexis, Bryce, Kaylee and Lucy making the trip out to the wedding, it is going to be interesting as even things like driving from New Orleans to Ft. Walton beach require such things as a car chair for Lu and a condo that requires a crib! (thanks Linds) I was thinking a little while ago that I haven't gotten ready for a wedding without Lisa in a long long time! OH MY GOSH!!!!!  I am going to have to get a tutorial for makeup I guess! hahahahahaha! (yep, most of the time its foundation, blush and mascara...)

We are ready to get away for some fun for awhile, not that the trip to Nebraska wasn't fun but it was exhausting. I hope this trip is somewhat, well, restful.  OK so I AM fooling myself a little bit but I can't resist the urge to wish for it anyway.  I have been feeling this odd sense of stress (yep, I AM using Pepcid these days) at leaving before Ryan, Aaron, Alexis and the Miller's do. I feel funny leaving them to their own devices, even though I know they are fully capable of flying alone and making it past security!!!! (AARON!)   I admit, thinking about time alone on a plane with my hubby has certain appeal and time to spend NOT talking about ministry or work or the house or work or ministry or....you get the drift...will be a welcome respite I hope.

It has been hard for me to figure out how to maneuver through letting go of my dad and all the dreams I have held in my heart for the relationship I always dreamed of having with him.  I am grateful for an old friend who validated my hurting heart and helped me begin to understand the validity of my tears in a new way I hadn't thought of yet. I am grateful to my husband who has withstood storm after storm of unexplainable and irrational (at times) emotions and anger and seems to continue to love me, although right now I am not really sure why!  And I am working my way toward the light of renewal, adjustment, and a whole new way of looking at me...dadless.....

I gotta get going, the dentist is expecting me!