This afternoon I was sitting in the living room, near our woodstove, I had my Ipod on to worship music and my bible on my lap when in walks John. Now one of the unique challenges of being married to a twin is that he has never been good at being alone! I promise you that I believe it is from being with someone from the moment of conception and sharing space is something my hubby loves to do. I on the other hand, am the youngest of 5 and the youngest by nearly 5 years so really, in those weird little things you read on birth order, I am like an odd blend of baby and only.....so, in other words, I really really like my space. I like the aloneness when I choose it and I love the friendness also. When I am alone I like it quiet, I don't have the tv on, I don't have anything disturbing me and I just go about my business but when I am with others, I love to be in the middle of all the fun stuff! That odd personality trait presents its own challenges....ANYWAY, I am sitting there trying really hard to focus on the Word and what I was hearing the Lord say to my heart when John comes in and starts to talk to me so I stopped what I was doing and listened and responded...then he walks away so I begin to read again, only to have the same thing happen again! I finally stopped trying to do what I was doing and went in and spent some time with him, then a little later went back to my bible. Here is just a snippet of what the Lord said to me...
I turned to Isaiah 62 and was in COMPLETE awe of what I read there! Oh my goodness! Could it be that I have never read it before??? Nope...one of the awesome things about the Word of God is that its living and breathing and it can be fresh and new on any given day...I LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!!
Here it is.. Is. 62:2c-5 & 11-12
You shall be called by a new name
Which the mouth of the Lord will name.
You shall also be a crown of glory
In the hand of the Lord.
And a royal diadem
In the hand of Your God.
You shall no longer be termed Forsaken.
Nor shall your land any more be termed Desolate.
But you shall be called Hephzibah and your land Beulah
For the Lord delights in you.
And your land shall be married
For as a young man marries a virgin
So shall your sons marry you.
And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride
So shall your God rejoice over you.
Indeed the Lord has proclaimed
To the end of the world;
Say to the daughter of Zion,
Surely your salvation is coming.
Behold His reward is with Him
And His work before Him
And they shall call them The Holy People,
The Redeemed of the Lord;
And you shall be called Sought Out,
A City Not Forsaken.
As I began to really ponder that and think about what that scripture means to my life, to my IDENTITY I became overcome by emotion. I sat on the couch and looked around at the house I live in and my eyes landed on the wall I created to reflect our family. So much of our story is on that wall. Not nearly all of it and certainly not the bad times, the hard times, the times when I was almost certain I would not survive the pain of it all, but certainly the good times. As I sat and looked at the pictures my eyes fell on one of the kids sitting in the sun at Diamond Lake and I could not help but be reminded of what we, as a family, have overcome and not only overcome but became better because of it. I am so stunned. Many years ago I sat outside our house, my two oldest were babies at the time and my husband lay on the couch just inside the door of our teeny tiny tinny (yes, I meant tinny) trailer, passed out. I sat there in the warm summer air, FULL FULL FULL of despair, full of pain, full of the overwhelming desire to run from it all or to just die right there on the spot. I could not imagine any good in my life and I could not imagine even really loving my husband again. I cannot even describe the agony of those moments and I must say, those moments profoundly changed me, I never want to forget what I was at that moment....so entirely EMPTY...BUT...a Savior waited patiently for me to call out, to cry out and He answered me!
I was raised in tiny baptist churches. I don't remember a time of ever NOT believing in Jesus, but as I learned over the next years after that fateful night, believing in Him and living FOR Him were so very different. That night as I sat outside on our little porch, trying to even see an end to the pain...an aside here...when I think on that night, I can still smell the air, still feel the breeze and still, oh can I ever STILL see the cloudless, star filled sky as I looked up into it. I can still recall my posture, how I sat, where I sat and very nearly what I wore even it is so burned into my memory. That me is so far removed from this me, but I can SO remember how it felt to sit there and know the deep need to call out to the Lord. So, I did. I said to Him, "please Lord, either change my life or take it." And do you know what? My life has never been the same. What followed were some of the darkest days of my life so far but what the Lord did in my life, in my husbands life and in the lives of our two oldest children and the two children we would yet have....INDESCRIBABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I so often cannot even believe it it is too wonderful for me.
It would take pages and pages for me to tell you what all happened in those next days but many betrayals were revealed, an addiction was uncovered and admitted, a family and even some unknown friends came together to help us, and a new relationship between me and my husband was begun. It took many years for us and the Lord to rebuild, no, wrong word, not rebuild, to CREATE a new marriage and many people took part in that entire process of working with us, teaching us, praying with and for us, counselling us and just being the loving believers that would eventually see us restored, see us redeemed, see us walking in freedom, in a more complete life and complete love.....INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!
As I read that scripture and think back on all that the Lord has done I am so blown away! He took this broken young woman, an incredibly wounded girl with hurts that went far deeper and far beyond what was happening in my marriage and He began to gently and lovingly with the hands of a potter, tenderly placing His hands on either side of my heart He kneaded it until it was soft and pliable, workable in His hands and then He began to change me, to change my life, to change the way I THINK, to change the way I REACT! To know that I am not a completed work of art is so comforting to me, to know that I am in the midst of becoming...to know that my life will never have to become stale and to know that all I have to do is look up into the soft silky night sky full of brilliant stars and when all is falling down around me to lay at the foot of the cross and weep? Its unspeakable comfort to me.
My heart is so stirred tonight. It is full. To hear the Lord call ME, a Holy People...Redeemed of the Lord, Sought Out (that one REALLY gets me) A City Not Forsaken...just makes me love Him so much more, it helps me to see, even more just how special I am to Him. What an amazingly beautiful intensely deeply moving thought.
I pray tonight, in the waning hours of 2009, that you will hear the words of your Savior giving you a new name, a new identity. I pray that you hear Him, that you open your heart to His voice and that His love for you resounds in your heart and mind as you enter into the new year. Here are the promises that I extracted from the whole of Is. 62...just a few to be sure, I know the Lord has much more in there.
1. He will not hold His peace from you
2. He will give you a new name
3. You will be a crown of glory
4. You will be a royal diadem in His hand
5. You will no longer be desolate
6. You will be called Hephzibah, the Lord delights in you
7. Your God will rejoice over you
8. You have permission to keep talking to Him
9. Your enemies will no longer take from you or take your best stuff
10. He brings reward with Him when He comes
11. He calls you a Holy People, Redeemed of the Lord, Sought Out, A City Not Forsaken
Happy 2010 everyone and be blessed!!!
1 comment:
Beautiful post, Lucy. Happy New Year my friend!!
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