today I....

Today I woke up feeling all groggy from taking ZiCam last night! I didn't want to stay awake all night coughing so I tried this new nasty tasting medicine. IT WORKED!!! After a somewhat slow start I got the housework done. Nothing glamorous and exciting about that is there? I often do a lot of thinking while I clean the house. I usually end up writing things in my head, finding ways to tell someone what is in my heart that I can't seem to vocalize.

These days I find myself thinking about our children, well, to be honest, that is what I do most days! Our oldest son Matthew is now in Iraq and while I am intensly proud of all the work he does there and the service to his country, I fight a constant desire to give in to fear. I don't want to give in to it, so most of the time I don't. Although today I admit, I wasn't always successful. Often I listen to the radio while getting ready to go somewhere. Today was no exception. I listen to country only because I can't get a christian radio station in our bathroom and I really do like country music. Anyway, today I was standing there and the Tim McGraw song came on, "If Your Readin' This" and I sort of fought tears for the next five minutes...yes those moments hit when I least expect it. I should have shut the radio off but I opted to face the emotion head on and then move past it.
I find myself thinking about our daughter too. She and her amazing husband are expecting a baby in the fall and I think about what it will be like to see this little baby that is part me and my husband and part her and her husband. I think about holding him or her and the love I know I will feel for it when I finally get to have it in my life. I am excited in one sense and yet know that this is just another stepping stone to letting go! YIKES! She married a wonderful man and I am so very grateful for all he is to her and to us.
Ryan also competes for my thoughts! Mostly the ones that make me feel excited and anxious for him to get home as soon as possible. I miss him. I pray for him and wonder how he is doing, knowing he must be lonely with his oldest brother gone from their home. I know he is anxious to come home and get to work here.
And then there is Aaron and Jeff. I pray for both of them very differently. Aaron is beginning to want to spread his wings and fly, to have some independence, his struggle is like the ones his siblings had but with a will of iron, it can get a little dicey. He is precious though and is making such great choices. I am grateful for that. Jeff is not our child by blood but we have adopted him in our hearts. Him I pray for for courage, strength and to know the love of Jesus in his life. I am hopeful that some day it will come to that place of surrender to the Lord.
Today I also laughed with my husband. You know, that giggly, funny, goofy, cant stop laugh? It was fun and it felt good. He was trying to do situps and I was teasing him with funny faces and silly looks, he couldn't stop laughing, then I couldn't, the sit ups were a struggle! Fun stuff!
Yes, life is fun, it is hard, and it is good.