The House that Built Me

I just realized that if I ever want to change pics on my blog or anything it has to be on a different computer! I don't have a single picture on my lap top anymore!!!  Oh well.....I think I'll keep this silly one of John and I and Thane and Becky doing our version of duck lips extraordinaire for awhile!

One of my favorite songs that isn't a worship song, because most of the ones I love are worship songs, is one by Miranda Lambert called The House That Built Me. I just love the simplicity and story of the song. I reminds me of the summer that me, Penny and Connie went to our old house in Twin Falls and looked around, even sneaking into the yard for a peek. Each time I got near that house I choked up...yep, I began to cry. It took everything I had to not break down weeping. It was a tough trip anyway, heading to Nebraska to see dad and take care of things there but that wasn't why I kept crying.  Now, 2 1/2 years later I realize, when I hear that song, that its because when we lived in that house, I knew who I was, I knew I was loved, safe, cared for. I did not know that I would soon be moved from there to a foreign land called Oregon! (smile)

One thing I have come to realize about myself over the years is that I get very attached to things. Not inanimate things that we can hold in our hands that have memories attached to them but things like places. Its really strange, I go back to my sister Penny's and I can see myself in that house as a confused teenager, a rebellious young woman or a happy sister getting to visit "home".  Idaho is, in many ways, the home of my heart. There is no reason for it except that it was the last place that I was in a family...see what I mean? I get attached....I have such clear clear memories that make my heart ache some times. I don't long to go back but I long to take that little girl in my arms and hug her and tell her that its gonna be okay, she's gonna be okay and she is gonna have a FANTASTIC life filled with awesome people and the most wonderful family and friends...

One of the lines that caught my attention today was: I thought if I could touch this place or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing...and I thought to the Lord, "wow Lord, I'm healed! Just cuz I cry when I think of "home", my family, my sisters, my daddy, it doesn't mean I"m broken anymore, it means I feel, I care and I love....deeply!" I'm so glad He healed me, changed me, grew me and let me see that little girl WAS held~by Him, and by sisters who nurtured me, took me to the bathroom in the middle of the night even when afraid of the dark herself, defended me, protected me and helped me to have something very very special, memories that are so wonderfully unsullied and beautiful that they themselves make me cry! Thank you my sweet sisters, you have become one of the most precious things in my world!

I know they say you can't go home again but I just had to come back one last time....

I sit here now thinking to myself...and smiling.....