Surprises, blessings, and tears; all mixed together!

I'm hoping I can get through writing this blog without crying but since I feel the tears already pricking the back of my eyes, its doubtful! I think its Becky's fault for writing that wonderful blog I just read and including pics of the four of us on our last night all together.

As I write I sit here on a couch in a motel room I am sharing with 3 of my sisters. We are in Lincoln Nebraska. Its hot here. Its a foreign land here, at least for me, and my heart has ached for days. We began this journey of ours on Thursday of last week. My sister Penny and I were texting back and forth as I was working. I, inquiring about our dad who was/is, in the hospital, and she, giving me updates about him. The general consensus? We needed to get to Nebraska and see him, maybe to say our goodbyes.

To understand the gravity of that decision its helpful to understand the relationship. I haven't ever really had a normal relationship with my dad. At the age of 8 my mom took me and my sister Connie to Oregon and divorced our dad, remarrying our stepfather. I then rarely saw my father for the next 30 plus years. It wasn't until my stepmother died that we had any kind of relationship with him so to make this decision, although it was one of the easiest ones we have made, it was also one of the most unusual. I have few regrets about the past with my dad, I've worked through them all with the Lord, but I KNEW that if I didn't make this particular trip I WOULD regret it. And so, on Saturday, bright and early, I climbed in my car, having kissed my sleepy husband goodbye, and went and picked up Connie. From there we drove to Boise to get our sister Penny and spending the night with her. The next morning, Sunday, we pulled out and rolled on over to Twin Falls to get our other sister Teri and made it to Laramie Wyoming that night in time to crash and burn, big time. The next morning, we made our way here.

I had a few really shocking moments along the way. My first one was upon approaching the house that we drove away from those long many years ago. I looked down into the ditch that ran along the street and along the driveway, the long long driveway, and just felt this deep sense of...I don't know... longing? Sadness? whichever it was, I felt tears at the back of my throat. It was THAT powerful for me. I felt such a connection to this house, I had LOVED this house as a child, it represents family to me, oneness, joy, closeness, SAFETY. I have never felt that way about a house until my husband began building on the one we live in now.

The other shocking moment has lasted much much longer and I believe it will continue to linger as I process it. We stopped at a rest stop in North Platte, Nebraska to have a small picnic and eat our lunch. Connie and I had walked to the bathroom to wash up and when we came out, there stood Penny and Teri talking to a man and a woman. I felt this sudden rush of emotion as Connie said, "that must be Uncle Larry (Penny had said he was going to visit his brother, my dad) and Margaret." I dont know if any of you will even understand this but I cannot stop crying BECAUSE of it. Here is this man who is standing there who I am related to, CLOSELY related to, my blood, and have never ever met. As we walked up to them he stood there looking at Connie at I very very closely. At one point he gently reached out and touched Connies shoulder saying, "I had forgotten what your mother looked like until I saw you!"n It was oddly comforting. I kept thinking to myself, "This is my uncle, this is my UNCLE!" it just felt so strange and so incredibly blessing filled. As I myself have watched him and listened to him I have felt such a desire to cry, to not only feel so blessed to have this gift but to grieve, without rancor, the loss of years with an uncle whom I believe would have been so special to me. I am grateful though, grateful to have a chance to know him NOW. I honestly cannot find the words to describe what is happening in my heart regarding this man but I hope to by describing a special scene that took place just a few minutes before he and Margaret left to return to their home, inviting us to stay there on our way home.

The hospital room is like any other room in any other place. Our dad is sitting in the corner of the room, sunshine streaming in on his nearly bald head. He is sleepy and we need to get ready to leave and let him rest. Uncle Larry, all 6'2 feet of him, complete with a head full of white hair, wrangler jeans, cowboy boots and western shirt, stands up to talk to dad. He reaches out to the chair my teeny tiny daddy is sitting in (my dad is smaller than me, all 80 lbs of him) and bends that very tall body over to tenderly hug his older brother. This older brother, my dad, who returned from WWII a changed man, whom he barely knew but came to love over the years as he grew up. As he touches him my dad jumps awake. "Well brother," Uncle Larry says, "we're gonna go home now but before we do can we have a word of prayer with you?" "Sure," my dad says, "you sure can." "Girls," Uncle Larry says to us 4, "would you like to join us?" We all nodded our heads and gathered around, grasping one anothers hands, as this man whom I find myself related to, kneels down next to my dad and, laying his hand in the gnarled, arthritic hands of my dad, he begins to pray the sweetest most tender prayer of a man who knows Jesus intimately, who knows how the Lord answers prayer and who loves our God with his whole heart. As he finished praying, I felt tears in my eyes yet again. I love this guy! My heart feels this sense of healing in such an odd way, such a deep way. Not only are we witnessing the warm and wonderful leadership of a man who is now my UNCLE, but seeing the healing and gentle touch from the Lord on us sisters.

Its the way it is. Is it easy? Nope. But punctuated amidst all this "stuff" is laughter, pure sweet laughter of sisters who read each others minds, who get each others jokes and who, because life is so short, have decided to love one another with the same intensity of years past, when, in childhood, we were united against a common foe, Parents! hahahaha! Life is good, heaven is better and I believe my dad is longing to be with His Lord. His body is hanging on, his spirit is wanting Jesus. We will see what the Lords plan is with all of it.