Goodbye Matthew

I love this picture I just downloaded of Lindsay, Matt, John and I. After a heartfelt goodbye for all of the siblings and promises of a speedy return, the four of us set out for Portland yesterday. What a great time we had. I kept thinking, "I am so glad we decided to do it this way, taking the day together," as we laughed our way to the Big City! So many times over the course of the morning and afternoon I found myself chuckling over the way Lindsay would harrass Matt or some such thing. What a girl! We got a little turned around outside of Wilsonville and made our way to the freeway by the back way, trust me, its gorgeous country, gorgeous mansions, but we could prolly never ever find our way back there again! It was fun though and quite an adventure. I have lots of pretty photos to scrap in layouts later.

This photo was taken atop Multnomah Falls. If you look closely at Lindsays face (and mine) you will see that it is a bit strained. Poor girl, she is only used to horizontal walking and elevations of 100 feet at most! As we looked at the falls the idea struck that we could walk to the top! Okay, any of you who know John (therefore Matt) know that we were in for some adventure! Several times as we hiked up those switchbacks Lindsay would stop or I would have to take a small break and we would debate whether we should continue. Matt had taken off at a high stride and never looked back! John, thank goodness, stuck with us! We met up with this woman and her son and she assured us that we were very nearly there, it was then that we opted to finish the trek to the top. What a great great view! wow! It was fun too, we got some good visiting in on that hike.

Today, as I walked back to the car after saying goodbye to the kids, I felt this sense of gratitude mixed in with sadness and lonliness. Here I am, holding my husbands hand, something I tend to do when I am feeling sad or upset, and feeling this odd sense of sorrow mixed with joy. As John and I talked on the way home it felt good to dispel the lonliness of those two seats now empty in our car and to confirm to one another how much we grew, in such a short time, to love this new member intended to join our family and precious our time with our oldest son was. Oh Lord, thank you so much for so many things, is the cry of my heart. So many many answered prayers and so much of what I have longed for over the years came to be these last two weeks. One, I literally watched my youngest morph into a man and two I got to see so much of our family love restored!!! I will never get over the goodness of the Lord. Never.

I have a lot to process over the next few days. It always takes me a few days to get over saying goodbye to Matthew, but the Lord has proved Himself faithful to me each and every time I work my way through it and I am confident that I will get beyond missing him so much yet again. As we walked through the parking lot at the airport John looked at me and took my hand saying "I'm so glad that we get to walk through this life together with the Lord, this is just another thing we get to do together" and I was awed that the Lord gave me this person who loves me, accepts me as I am, and understands that my mothers heart just keeps getting bruised, healed, broken, healed, torn, healed and yet keeps walking with me, letting me cry when I hurt, laugh when I am happy and be quiet when I am sad. He has done this with me enough times to know that now is when I get quiet, now is when I get to choose joy over sorrow and now is when I have to let myself feel, to work my way through the emotions of the moment and get to the other side. Oh what a blessing he is.