Blessings

Wow, its been awhile since I got on here and blogged! I am sitting here at my scrapping table, goodies laying strewn about me, music playing in the back ground, and all I can think of is the things that are on my heart at this very moment, scrapping can wait, I thought, I gotta write! So, here I am.

This past week, spending most of it in the hospital with our daughter Kaylee and her husband Bryce, helping as much as I could by spending time with our grandbaby, Lucy, I did a lot of thinking. Some time ago, when Mike and Nancy were pastoring our church, we took a couple under our wings to offer prayer covering and support. Holly, the daughter, had been diagnosed with some kind of luekemia/cancer at a very young age (ok, so I dont have exact names of the illness and all that, you get the gist of it though). Holly struggled most of her young life and longed to have a normal life. Kristina, her mother, was by her side throughout the duration of her illness, a good portion of her life being spent in the hospital. Bruce, the father of this precious family, worked and took care of the younger two children, Megan and Caleb. It is a heartwrenching story. Anyway, many many times, riding the elevator to Bryces room, carrying my baby granddaughter in my arms, I thought of Kristina, I somehow identified with her pain all of a sudden. The twists and turns of Hollys illness, ups and downs of "go home, not go home" and all that entailed. I thought often of how difficult it must have been and how much she must have longed for home, for all that was familiar. Holly is with Jesus now... My heart often ached, because of my own ache, but also for her. I also thought a lot about Mike and Nancy during this time. I would open my email or check voicemail, and there was Nancy, also identifying, all too closely, with the disappointments, the frustrations, the lack of progress, the concern. Just a few short years ago their son David was critically injured in a biking accident, lacerating his liver, among other things, and putting his life in peril. I thought many times during this past week about how I could have been a better friend during this time of struggle for them, working, pastoring a church in Eugene, a son in the ICU in Salem...not beating myself up, just realizing for the first time, what a struggle it was for them, what a drain on the emotions. I honestly don't remember what I DID do, except pray (not to diminish that) but I could have done more I think. I also think of the utter and complete change their life underwent at that time, in the middle of transitioning to a new pastorate, new jobs, new home....God was so faithful to sustain them, making them a beacon of hope in the middle of our own struggles to understand.

I have a new appreciation for the normal ebb and flow of life. It has been glorious having Bryce and Kaylee next door this afternoon. I can ,even now, walk over to my kitchen, look out the window, and know that they are next door, know that if they need us, we are right here, not three hours away. I am extremely grateful for that small blessing.

As you have gathered, reading my blogs, that my whole life is pretty much my family and the ones they love. I have such a deep respect for each of them, such a complete adoration of who they are as people. One of the joys of them being adults is that they are able to be blessings in a whole new way. Oh Lord, thank you for your amazing grace, mercy, redemption and joy in our family, we didn't deserve it but you, in your infinite love, gave so much!

A little while ago my cell phone rang, it was our oldest son Matthew. I could hear the smile in his voice. He immediately just launched into conversation...this son isn't a conversationalist. I cannot even tell you, I cannot even express the joy that I felt when I heard his voice. I am beyond missing him and into the aching to hug my oldest mode. His girlfriend assures me that there are only 60 days until they visit! In the course of our conversation he said to me, "mom, I'm coming home, I want to be with my family, I want to live by you guys, I'm not re-enlisting"... I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh, I wanted to shout it to the heavens, YES!!!! YES YES YES!!!! I realize he may change his mind in the next year he has in the military, but I have been praying for him to hear the Lords will for his life, to make a decision based on faith and not fear. Without ever saying that to him he said to me, "I have not ever run from anything because I am afraid, so I am not going to start now by staying in here because I am afraid to be out".... Oh, Lord, thank you, you are so very good. The miracle of this whole thing? Beyond the obvious, our wonderful son, struggling with alcohol addiction at a young age, declared he hated this family, didnt want anything to do with it, we were in his way, stopping him from having fun and forcing God down his throat. He did all he could to avoid any contact with us. To have him want to live by us...oh the blissful joy of that feeling, I am overwhelmed with the love of our Lord who has taken our sons heart and softened it and begun to mold it and make it into what HE wants it to be. Matt has taken the long road. He's been clean for almost 3 years and in that time has made amazing strides in repairing the damage that occured in our family, it has been incredible, watching him become what I always knew he would be. Long long ago, over 24 years, I looked at my tiny newborn baby boy, my firstborn, and as I looked into his face, stroking his sandy blonde hair, I saw him as a man, tall, strong, looking down at me, his arm around me. I have seen that image played out in my mind many times over the years and have had the awesome privilege of living it out in my life. Can I even wait until he comes home? No, I cannot. It will be 10 months by the time he comes back and I dare anyone to get in my way when I see him come down that terminal walkway!!!! He holds out his arms, gives me a big smile, drops his bags and I run into his arms, he picks me up, and in that moment, that teeny quiet moment of hello, I hear whispered in my ear "I love you mommy"... I can never ever answer through my tears of joy....

I even had the joy of touching base with another "son" adopted though he may be. Eric, Mike and Nancys youngest son who just turned 24 this month, texted me today. I love hearing from him and finding out how his life is going. Of course I had to rib him a little bit and invite him for a visit. I feel like my cup is overflowing with blessings and provision.

Aaron has made a mostly full recovery from his awful cold thing and has been working with me a little bit. It has been really nice and he does a VERY good job. I am enjoying him helping me and will be able to use him since Kales only wants to help me one day a week. Ryan sat and visited awhile today, telling me all about the devotionals he is doing with B-nana...he is really enjoying it and I have seen a difference in him as he has been committed to partnering with her in this time of growth.

John has been working a lot and held down the fort while I was in Portland. He did an incredible job laying the tile in the kitchen and I can't wait to take pics and posting them. He works really really hard and still manages to put up with me. I am grateful for him each and every day and that he is faithful to not give up and not give in and love me through the ups and downs of life. As you can imagine, it is a roller coaster around here a lot!

Have a wonderful Friday evening!