My oldest son

This is my amazing son Matt. I look at this picture and I completely ache inside. He is such an amazing man. This picture was taken last year when he was in Iraq. He was doing some thing called "riding the launch" which means, he was going out onto the tarmac to get the Pavelow helicopter into the air.

I love looking into his eyes in this picture. What must he have been thinking? What was he going to do next? His eyes look clear, his face looks contented and his serious expression belies a newfound sense of self in there. I adore him. He is my oldest, my firstborn. There is something really special about the firstborn son. He is often called upon to be the strongest, even when he is hurting. He is often led to believe that the expectations upon him are much higher than on any younger siblings, and often they in fact, are. Matt and I...oh boy, just saying that brings up a million memories. It was he and I first, sitting in a chair, reading stacks of books, rocking him to sleep in my arms, learning how to say no to this adorable little toe headed chubby kid, and thanking God I said no to a wild young adolescent who loved to do everything crazy, anything for an adrenaline rush. I wish I wouldn't have said no as much as I did. That I'd have let him do more, have more fun. I look at him now and I marvel. I feel as though my heart will burst. I cannot even explain the well of emotions that comes up in me when I have the chance to jump into his arms for a mom/son hug. I cannot even begin to express the deep deep love I feel for him as he goes to bat for his younger brother, wanting to, more than anything, do his part to contribute to making Ryans dreams come to pass. I am so proud, so amazed and so not surprised. He is like his father in a million ways. Cautious, funny, wise, both spendthrifty and generous, takes his time to figure out his emotions, and doesn't like being put on the spot! Just to name a few. He is handsome, sweet and tender with babies. He is an awesome man and I thank God for him every day!